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betaslovelythings: thesadanon: smartassjen: katjohnadams: anais-ninja-blog: witchcraft-with-spa...

Sun, 13 May 2018 13:40:53 -0400

thesadanon:

smartassjen:

katjohnadams:

anais-ninja-blog:

witchcraft-with-space-bean:

avantgaye:

m4ge:

i walk into starbucks and order a pumpkin spice latte with 13 shots of espresso. i tell the barista that i intend to transcend humanity and become a god. i ask for no whip cream

you say this jokingly but i had a customer actually order a pumpkin spice latte with 9 shots of espresso (also no whip) and when i asked her to verify that she did indeed want 9 shots of espresso she looked me dead in the eyes and said “i have 5 kids”

I once had a woman come in and ordered an Americano with 19 shots of espresso. The drink took ages. It held up the line. I asked her why, and she shrugged and said “I just don’t care”. We still talk about that woman. We never saw her again.

new cryptid: exhausted woman at starbucks

Actual conversation I had at register:

“Hi, welcome to [Starbucks]! What can I get you, today?”

“How much is it to fill a Venti with Espresso?”

“I- I’m sorry?”

“A venti cup. How much to fill it with Espresso?”

“Oh. uh. Well, it’d be I suppose… I only have a button for a Quad. I don’t have special pricing for twenty ounces of espresso in a single… drink.”

“Price is the furthest thing from my mind right now. How many ‘add shots’ is that?”

*deep breath of fear* “It’d be a quad with,” *clears throat* “uh, sixteen additional shots of espresso. But, ma’am, I should tell you that the shots will start to get really bitter if they have to sit and wait for us to pull twenty of them-”

“Taste means nothing to me.”

At this point I am truly fearing for my very existence in the presence of what must clearly be an eldritch being.

“Oh. Well, okay.” I put on my absolute best customer service smile to hide my terror and accept that I must face this dragon, fae, or demon with dignity. “We can certainly get that for you! The price will be _____.”

She begins to pay, I shit thee not, with golden dollar coins. We are a block from Wall Street, and this eldritch demi-being is paying for an unholy elixer with golden coins. My life will end soon, I am sure of it.

“Do you still have the ‘Add Energy’ packets?”

My heart began to race at this request. “Yes ma’am.”

“How many can I add?”

Futile though it is, at least I know the rote response to this. “For health reasons, we won’t add more than one per drink and we cannot sell the packets individually.”

“One then.”

I alter the order and tell her the new price. She pays, dumps the change and five golden dollars into the tip box. I write the order on the venti cup and pass it silently to the girl working the hot beverage station. Normally we called and pass, but this was … not something to be spoken aloud.

My fellow takes the cup, not thinking anything of the minor break with protocol, until she sees the order. She stares at me. “No.”

The woman, which I call her for no other greater insight into her terrifying being is within my grasp, simply stands on the other side and says, calmly but with a commanding tone I expect of Admirals in bad movies, “Yes.”

My fellow barista pales before her task. But we are dutiful, we are true to our task, great though it may be. She sets about clearing the two brand new Matrena’s of all distraction, and sets two tall cups in the ready position. The energy packet is emptied into the venti cup, and the shots begin pouring.

The barista was damn near shaking. This woman’s gaze felt like the fires of the sun. Finally, the shots are pulled, the cup is filled, and the hand off takes place.

Our visiting Incomprehensible takes it to our milk bar and adds a dollop of cream. Satisfied, she proceeds to down what must have been half the damn cup.

Then she smiled at us, like a benediction and I was honestly filled with joy. And horror. She left, and we knew nothing more of her after that.

When I talk with other former employees, we quickly begin talking about “The Company” as if we’d never l, perhaps knowing that part of our soul still powers that awesome and terrible corporate machine. And when I share this stroy, other Baristas at first act shocked but quickly settle and comes the chorus,

“Yeah, I had one like that.”

Okay, Starbucks lore is my new favorite genre of literature. Please collect all these and more into a book.

@peach-orange-juice

…I thought Venti Espresso Cryptid was a fever dream my manager had. Good lord.

tentaclabia: sunderlorn: its-kk-yo: alwayswillgraham: evil-shenanigans-alpha: monsters-and-teet...

Sat, 12 May 2018 19:47:24 -0400

tentaclabia:

sunderlorn:

its-kk-yo:

alwayswillgraham:

evil-shenanigans-alpha:

monsters-and-teeth:

unlimitedtrashworks:

becausetheintrovert:

thelifeofatubaplayer:

thelastmellophone:

espurr-roba:

consultingmoosecaptain:

dalekitsune:

the phrase “curiosity killed the cat” is actually not the full phrase it actually is “curiosity killed the cat but satisfaction brought it back” so don’t let anyone tell you not to be a curious little baby okay go and be interested in the world uwu

See also:

~~Blood is thicker than water~~ The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.

Meaning that relationships formed by choice are stronger than those formed by birth.

Let’s not forget that “Jack of all trades, master of none” ends with “But better than a master of one.”

It means that being equally good/average at everything is much better than being perfect at one thing and sucking at everything else. So don’t worry if you’re not perfect at something you do! Being okay is better!

These made me feel better

Also, “great minds think alike” ends with “but fools rarely differ”

It goes to show that conformity isn’t always a good thing. And that just because more than one person has the same idea, doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a good idea.

what the fuck why haven’t i heard the full version to any of these

“Birds of a feather flock together” ends with “until the cat comes.”

It’s actually a warning about fair-weather friends, not an assessment of how complementary people are.

I’ve always felt like these were cut down on purpose.

I really like these phrases and plan on spreading this knowledge.

The early bird catches the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I want to make designs out of these.

Funny how all the half-finished ones encourage uniformity and upholding the status-quo, while the complete proverbs encourage like…living exciting, eclectic lives driven by choice and personal passion.

NICE

lemedy: sailor moon crystal | uranus planet power make up

Sat, 05 May 2018 13:30:06 -0400

lemedy:

sailor moon crystal | uranus planet power make up

littleddlgpuppy: vigeodames: This gets stuck in my head every...

Tue, 01 May 2018 18:18:56 -0400

littleddlgpuppy:

vigeodames:

This gets stuck in my head every time I regress and it’s starting to get old ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´Д｀ﾟ)ﾟ｡

OHMYGOSH I AM IN LOVE WITH THIS!!!!!!!!

Photo

Tue, 06 Mar 2018 21:30:07 -0500

toadschooled: “Who, me?” A pretty American toad [Anaxyrus...

Fri, 02 Mar 2018 17:34:53 -0500

toadschooled:

“Who, me?” A pretty American toad [Anaxyrus americanus] photographed in Pennsylvania by David Nixon.

chasecharmer: so remember that worldbuilding website, notebook.ai, that was goin around and...

Sat, 17 Feb 2018 09:53:53 -0500

chasecharmer:

so remember that worldbuilding website, notebook.ai, that was goin around and everyone was so excited, but it turned out you had to pay a (frankly outrageous) subscription to access any of the best tools?
well i have exciting news: World Anvil.
here’s what you get for free:
yeah. all of them. double what notebook.ai offers for pay. yeah baby.
i’ve only been using this site for like half an hour, but i am in LOVE. please check it out and consider supporting the creators if you can!

kaijuhearmenow: three-of-clubsandwich: Griffin’s resume of the...

Sat, 16 Dec 2017 21:01:04 -0500

kaijuhearmenow:

three-of-clubsandwich:

Griffin’s resume of the future

@silverslices I just wanted to show you the clip that those gifs were from. And also to make sure you knew what these dudes actually looked like.

orbispelagium: jerkstorecalling: fiztheancient: i cant...

Sat, 25 Nov 2017 11:12:43 -0500

orbispelagium:

jerkstorecalling:

fiztheancient:

i cant believe there are people who still havent seen this video

I could probably recite this entire video, word-for-word, on demand.

Goddamn, this is nearly thirty years old and it fits like a glove into contemporary shitpost cadence and aesthetics, this is High Art

supremesucculents: markunsan: Graptopetalum mendozae love...

Sun, 19 Nov 2017 13:12:45 -0500

supremesucculents:

markunsan:

Graptopetalum mendozae

love this color

peanutpotter: alucardbelle: the-privateer: i thought this was...

Fri, 17 Nov 2017 07:32:30 -0500

peanutpotter:

alucardbelle:

the-privateer:

i thought this was the beginning of a cheesy porno…..it’s so much more beautiful

oh my god I’m laughing so hard that was so unexpected and GREAT

this is AMAZING

geekandmisandry: ladyananas: wombatking: thanatosdementor: posingasme: the-weaver-of-worlds: wr...

Fri, 10 Nov 2017 07:47:55 -0500

geekandmisandry:

ladyananas:

wombatking:

thanatosdementor:

posingasme:

the-weaver-of-worlds:

writing-prompt-s:

A depressed guy moves into a haunted house with 7 demons, each corresponding to a deadly sin. But, they’re all trying to help him get back on his feet; Pride helps with self confidence, Lust helps him get laid, etc.

I would watch the crap outta this like wow

Envy: “Glut, back off the guy, okay?”

Gluttony: “I’m just saying he could stand to gain a few pounds! I made spaghetti!”

Sloth: “After we eat, it’s gonna be time for a nice nap. We’ve earned it!”

Pride: “Damn right we did!”

Just imagine the Catholic Church making a statement regarding this new tv show.

Wrath does nothing but encourage him to punch assholes.

“You deserve better! That was YOUR parking space!”

“He’s like three hundred pounds of muscle, Wrath.”

“And you are 165 pounds of RAGE!”

Wrath’s advice isn’t great, but he means well.

Greed spends his days trying to help him manage his budget and put money on the side

“Bro check this out i’ve got the sickest retirement plan, technically it’s tax evasion i guess but fuck those guys, right?”

This is the most hardcore sequel to Inside Out.

justiceleaque: Watch your momentum.

Fri, 06 Oct 2017 08:11:08 -0400

justiceleaque:

Watch your momentum.

lelainx: @klanceys ur welcome

Tue, 19 Sep 2017 21:57:17 -0400

lelainx:

@klanceys ur welcome

The New OrcPub: D&D 5e Character Builder/Generator

Sat, 26 Aug 2017 12:01:40 -0400

The New OrcPub: D&D 5e Character Builder/Generator:

pagannerd52:

fictionaddictionbea:

Have all you Dungeon and Dragon players heard of Orc Pub? It allows you to easily and freely create a DND character.

It informs you about each race, here you can see I’m remaking my Aasimar from a new game.

It can calculate all of your abilities for you if that’s something you have trouble with. I certainly have a hard time. Or if you’re super awesome and can do it by yourself there is a manual way to do it!

Basically it just helps you go step by step figure out what feats you might want, what alignment you might want, what comes items (weapons, armor, and gold etc) come with your character’s background and class.

Did I mention its FREE?

Right now there is a kickstarter to help make a mobile app, but right now I can easily transfer this info onto my character sheet!

For those who prefer the new edition.

rainbow-taishi: Some touken danshi western sword version...

Sat, 19 Aug 2017 21:22:33 -0400

rainbow-taishi:

Some touken danshi western sword version parody~
I know there are different versions of these sword legends, so, I just chose one of each which I liked the most ahaha
(Might add more non-katana touken danshi in the future~)
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
EXTRA featuring King Arthur’s spear, Ron.
How to tell which is Caliburn and Excalibur if they wore the same clothes…

mad-top-hatter:i watched this episode of ben 10 at 4 am and I...

Sat, 08 Jul 2017 11:49:02 -0400

mad-top-hatter:

i watched this episode of ben 10 at 4 am and I was convinced I dreamed the whole thing up except I didn’t, here are some clips that gave me an emotional crisis ~~also kevin found dead in miami~~

juno8482: I did some shit

Fri, 07 Jul 2017 20:37:12 -0400

juno8482:

I did some shit

nooodle07: sttevebuck: lokis-kitten: So, I was telling...

Mon, 03 Jul 2017 22:18:15 -0400

nooodle07:

sttevebuck:

lokis-kitten:

So, I was telling @egogrumps how much better this scene would be if they used britney spears Toxic in the back… and then my hand slipped.

~~everytime yall see this scene now your gonna think of this song your welcome~~

this would make a great music video

YASS

pinklilies:watermelon high-tops || use discount code...

Mon, 26 Jun 2017 13:38:55 -0400

pinklilies:

watermelon high-tops || use discount code tigerlily for 10% off!